Monday, March 06, 2006

Animal of the Week March 06, 2006 -- Bedbug Mountain

First off, an appeal:
Lost: Weekend March 3-5 ALSO Dignity

We are looking for information to help locate these items, or at least make reparations for any damages caused in the course of their being lost. The man in the hat and glasses would like to apologise for any emotional hurt, physical injuries, or consternation he may have caused this weekend. Really, he is very very sorry but can't remember what for. We would appreciate your help in uncovering the (we suspect) painful and embarrassing truth. If you had contact with or saw this man over the weekend, please email information, claims for damages, or abuse to

And the Addermy award (tm) doesn't go to:

Bedbug Mountain -- "I wish I knew how to quilt you" -- Rated R

Terence and Willis, two male Xylocaris maculipennis (bed bugs) find themselves isolated in the bedding of a two young stockherders tending a flock of sheep in early sixties Wyoming. Throughout the course of the summer, starved of the company of female X maculipennis, the insects begin find themselves looking for other diversions. Several species of bedbug use a sperm plug to prevent other males mating with a female after they have; to bypass the plug, this species has developed a needle like member with which to inject their genetic contribution directly into the female's ovaries.

As the tension increases and the flock of sheep diminished, Terence has an idea, creeping up on Willis he uses his syringe-like appendage to inject sperm directly into Willis. Afterwards, he insists "I aint no queer". The summer comes to an end and the two young insects return to their former lives. Eventually, Willis settles down with a female bedbug in a 16 tog duvet in Texas, but he is never quite able to forget that summer on the high midwest pastures and his friend Terence, not least, because the children he fathers all bear a striking resemblance to his former companion, for yes, he has been passing on Terence's sperm all that time.

It really does happen.

Coming soon to a picture house near you:

The career of a country legend in the making is cut short when his offer to exercise one of Tippi Hedren's pets backfires in "Walk the Lion"

The tale of a American wild dog and author researching novel In Cold Blood, the motion picture triumph "Coyote"

The entomologists among you will note that the picture is not of X maculopennis, I couldn't find a picture of this species, instead this picture relates to the appeal at the top of this message. And responds to another reader's suggestion.


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