Animal of the Week December 18/25, 2006 -- Deep breath, and all together everyone

On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A partridge in a pear tree.
(The word “fart” is derived from the Greek for partridge [Perdix perdix] “perdix”, partridges make a whirring noise when they fly)





On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
(Not called a turtle dove [Streptopelia turtur] because it has a shell, it doesn’t; the name comes from the soft cooing “turr turr” call)

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
(Alsace, Aquitaine, maran, combattant du nord, coucou du Rennes, crevecouer, pictave, Lyonnaise… these are some French hens [Gallus gallus domesticus])

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
(Not “calling birds”, my friends, but “colly birds”, colly=coaly=black, yes, Blackbirds [Turdus merula], that what the true love gives 36 of in this song, enough for a pie and a half)


On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five golden beetles,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
(Gold beetles [Plusiotus resplendens] are very gold but not ringshaped at all…. Clutching at straws my friends, clutching at straws)

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden beetles,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
(Domestic geese are derived from greylag geese [Anser anser], these geese frequently form same-sex pairs that engage in courtship behaviour and territorial disputes, up to 10% of pairs, these couples may act as guardians of the flock—gaylag geese more like)

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden beetles,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
(Since the 12th century, all the mute swans [Cygnus olor] on the Thames have been owned by the British Monarch (these swans have no rings), except, that is, for those owned by the Dyers’ company (ringed on one leg) Vintners’ company (ringed on both legs))

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden beetles,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
(The most common dairy cow [Bos taurus] is the Holstein-Friesian; 9 million of the USA’s 10 million dairy herd are this breed. A single cow can produce 10 000 litres of milk a year in the USA where hormones are used to up milk production, but only 7000 to 8000 litres in the UK. Artificial insemination is the norm for dairy herds, meaning a few bulls can father entire generations of calves – the most prolific (200 000 calves) producer of bull-juice of all time was called… Starbuck)

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine lady beetles,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden beetles,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
(The theory goes that ladybirds are so-called after Our Blessed Lady, the mother of Jesus for their ability to save crops from pests!)

On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten Lord Howe woodhens,
Nine lady beetles,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden beetles,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
(The restoration of the population of the Lord Howe woodhen [Gallirallus sylvestris] from 20 individuals in 1969 to 200 birds now by captive breeding and elimination of pigs from the small Island off the east coast of Australia is seen as a model for successful conservation)


On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me Eleven pipefish piping,
Ten Lord Howe woodhens,
Nine lady beetles,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden beetles,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
(In pipefish, such as the ornate ghost pipefish [Solenostomus paradoxus], as in their relatives seahorses, the male assumes the main parenting role, wither carrying the eggs around on specially adapted skin or in a pouch.)

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipefish piping,
Ten Lord Howe woodhends,
Nine lady beetles
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden beetles,
Four colly birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!
(Animal was the drummer for the Muppet band, Dr Teeth and the Electric Mayhem)

Partridge
Number of legs: 2
Celebrity a-like: The Partridge family 26
Top speed: 50 mph
Tenacity: 2
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 64%*
Aesthetically pleasing: 6
Violence: 2
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 24
Religiousity: 32
Special skill: Edibility 76

*James Blunt (né Blount), shooting accident?

Turtle doves
Number of legs: 2
Celebrity a-like: Teenage mutant ninja turtles 12
Top speed: 40 mph
Tenacity: 2
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 12%*
Aesthetically pleasing: 7
Violence: 2
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 24
Religiousity: 24
Special skill: Cooing 62

*There is always hope

French hen
Number of legs: 2
Celebrity a-like: Foghorn Leghorn 76
Top speed: 20 mph
Tenacity: 2
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 22%*
Aesthetically pleasing: 4
Violence: 2
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 31
Religiousity: 45
Special skill: Edibility 92

*Salmonella

Colly birds
Number of legs: 2
Celebrity a-like: Cilla Black 3
Top speed: 25 mph
Tenacity: 2
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 3%
Aesthetically pleasing: 6
Violence: 2
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 2 (not pets, but they might visit!)
Religiousity: 21
Special skill: Birdsong 75

Golden beetle
Number of legs: 6
Celebrity a-like: Goldfrapp (Allison) 1
Top speed: 4 mph
Tenacity: 3
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 2%
Aesthetically pleasing: 7
Violence: 1
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 23
Religiousity: 47
Special skill: Being a golden 78


Greylag goose
Number of legs: 2
Celebrity a-like: Anthony Edwards 21
Top speed: 50 mph
Tenacity: 4
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 2%*
Aesthetically pleasing: 6
Violence: 3
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 2
Religiousity: 18
Special skill: Roast potatoes 89 (see Nigella)

*As if Blunt is a member of the “Goose club” (see AOTW 04/12/06)

Mute swan
Number of legs: 2
Celebrity a-like: Cate Blanchet (the most swanlike person I could think of) 15
Top speed: 50 mph
Tenacity: 4
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 76%*
Aesthetically pleasing: 8
Violence: 4
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 2
Religiousity: 58
Special skill: Breaking arms with a wing 67
*Break his arm with a wing, natch

Cow
Number of legs: 4
Celebrity a-like: Princess Di (it’s in the eyes) 33
Top speed: 30 mph
Tenacity: 3
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 46%*
Aesthetically pleasing: 5
Violence: 3
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 1
Religiousity: 80
Special skill: Kobe beef 89 (yumski)

*I persuade James Blunt to don a dog suit and tell the cow with the crumpled horn that James Blunt killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Jack built.

Ladybird
Number of legs: 6
Celebrity a-like: Spottyman from Superted 25
Top speed: 4 mph
Tenacity: 3
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 14%
Aesthetically pleasing: 7
Violence: 2
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 67
Religiousity: 8
Special skill: Eating aphids 72

Lord Howe woodhen
Number of legs: 2
Celebrity a-like: Geoffrey Howe 12
Top speed: 18 mph
Tenacity: 2
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 12%
Aesthetically pleasing: 5
Violence: 1
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 16
Religiousity: 1
Special skill: Endemism 86

Ornate ghost pipefish
Number of legs: 0
Celebrity a-like: Michael Fish 1
Top speed: 2 mph
Tenacity: 2
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 10%
Aesthetically pleasing: 8
Violence: 1
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 2
Religiousity: 2
Special skill: Looking like coral 78

Animal
Number of legs: 2
Celebrity a-like: Animal 100
Top speed: 14 mph
Tenacity: 5
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 67%*
Aesthetically pleasing: 3
Violence: 6
Can be kept on a roof terrace: 50
Religiousity: 18
Special skill: Drumming 69

*Drumstick in the eye, biting, that sort of thing, especially if Blunt tries to sing

Animal of the Week December 11, 2006 -- Top trumps start here

Well, 11 doors (okay okay, 12) open on the advent calendar, and what was it today...

Little Equus asinus (donkey), little donkey on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load
Been a long time, little donkey, through the winter’s night
Don’t give up now, little donkey, Bethlehem’s in sight
Ring out those bells tonight
Bethlehem, Bethlehem
Follow that star tonight
Bethlehem, Bethlehem
Little donkey, little donkey had a heavy day
Little donkey, carry Mary safely on her way

You may be surprised that I have not plumped for one of those deep-sea species all over the news like a bad case of crabs this week... well, they're just not festive enough. But following on from one red-top paper's lead of giving the deep-sea organisms a tenacity score for their ability to hang on to life at the margins of possibility. Here is the first AOTW top trump card! A series that you and your friends can cut out and keep (I'm sensing the must-have gift X mas 2007 here).

Donkey
Number of legs: 4
Celebrity a-like: Alanis Morissette 78
Top speed: 35 mph
Tenacity: 4
Likelihood of hurting James Blunt: 86%*
Aesthetically pleasing: 4
Violence: 4
Can be kept on a roof terrace: (miniature donkeys) 3
Religiousity: Popular in monotheistic religions and Seth of the ancient Egyptian pantheon had a Donkey's head 65
Special skill: Burden 68

*Aroused by the braying sound of Blunt's voice, donkey uses one of his more famous attributes (frequently used in a popular simile [yeah, that's right kids, "kick like a donkey"]) to ensure that Blunt won't be thinking about sitting down at a piano to write songs for a while.

The origins of the word donkey are unknown, but it became widely used only in the 18th century. Perhaps because at that time, pronunciation of the word ass matched that of the word "arse", so the historically more popular word fell out of use to save blushes. Later, pronunciation of ass changed back to the way we know it today, but in American English 'arse' was lost all together and ass became the word for deriere. Donkey might be a diminutive form of the word "dun" (a common donkey colour) and originally pronounced to rhyme with "monkey".

Donkeys feature commonly in the bible, and in many stories mentioning that a man was riding a donkey was to imply wealth, as they were the biblical equivalent of sports cars. Maybe if Joseph and Mary actually had a sports car they'd have got a proper room. The young chap in this week's picture is certainly pleased as punch to own the nippy little model at his side. A miniature donkey!

Computer-game star Donkey Kong was not, in fact, a donkey but earns the moniker due to his stubbornness.

Next Week... Christmas!

Cheers All,

Animal of the Week December 04, 2006 -- Tis the season.... to be eaten

And what was on the door of Animal of the Week's advent calendar this morning?

Maleagris gallopavo (turkey). Over 45 million turkeys will have been eaten over Thanksgiving in the US, then just a few weeks later another 22 million will be eaten in US at Christmas, in the UK we’ll get through another 11 million or so… these are tough times for this week's animal.

The popularity of turkey at Christmas and Thanksgiving is actuality a recent addition to harvest and midwinter traditions. The only foodstuffs documented at the Plymouth pilgrims' feast with the Wampanoag in 1621 were venison and waterfowl, Queen Elizabeth favoured goose at Harvest Festival, Americans probably later switched to turkey as they were more abundant. Until the middle of the 1900s turkey was something of a luxury in the UK. In Dickens' A Christmas Carol, when Scrooge has had some festive goodwill spooked into him, he saves the Cratchits from the "goose club" by purchasing a prized turkey for them.

Intensive farming and the development of new double-breasted breeds (large and well-dressed) has made turkeys a popular choice for large family gatherings. Male turkeys, called gobblers or toms, naturally woo females, or hens, by displaying with their bright blue snood (the extendable protrusion above their beak) and wattle, a fanned tail, and elaborate gobbling. Many industrially farmed turkeys cannot mate of their own accord (the toms are lucky if they can walk, let alone gobble) and so the females have to be artificially inseminated. That is, unless they manage to reproduce without mating, as turkeys are want to do. Traditional breeds of turkey resemble more closely their wild North American forebears and are able to breed naturally, walk, run, and fly. They also taste nicer and require less farm trickery to raise them.

Surprisingly nippy, wild turkeys can fly well and can run at speeds of up to 55 miles per hour! They need to. In the southern USA, fried turkey is a popular dish, and a Turkeyfryer has been developed in which a whole bird can be deep fried, I was amused but not surprised to find out about this.

This is turning into a bit of an essay, but I couldn't finish without pondering why an American bird is called turkey. There are several theories about its origins: it's a corruption of the native word, firkee; it's derived from turka, the Indian (Asian sub-continent) name for peacock, the Americas were originally thought to be attached to India; it comes from a tendency for English speakers to name exotic things after exotic places; or perhaps most likely, it was originally thought to be related to the African helmeted guinea fowl (Numida meleagris), which was called a Turkey-cock as it was imported to Europe through Turkey, and so the turkey was also called a Turkey-cock. The name stuck in North America, but when the guinea fowl's origins were better understood, they were renamed. Convoluted I know, but I like it that way.